NT 015 - Turkey Terror

Happy Thanksgiving, sir.

All right.

That's the thing.

Did that already happen?

Or did that not happen?

Well, it's a thing that's

happening the month that this

will be coming out.

Yeah, but has it already

happened?

Has November already happened?

Well, at some point, yeah.

But it's like the second or

third Thursday of November.

So this episode will either be

airing just before or just

after it.

But happy Thanksgiving, sir.

For those who celebrate it.

Well, Canada celebrates just

before us.

I think it's like the week

before.

So what are you thankful for?

You know, this would have been

the perfect opportunity.

You know, I'm thankful that

killer robots haven't taken

over.

And that even if they did, I'm

thankful that they would be

wielding cheese quesadilla guns.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

You know, like I was going to

say, do I have to say it for

you?

I blanked.

I was beating you.

I was like, come on.

You're thankful for cheese quesadillas.

I've had a pretty good year.

I'm thankful for some of the

relationships that I've made

this year.

Or one in particular.

And for some of the cool stuff.

Hey, we started this podcast

this year.

Yay.

You know?

So that's something to be

thankful for.

But do you know who's not

thankful on Thanksgiving?

Um, the turkey?

The turkey.

And that got me to thinking.

We could turn this into a movie.

There's already a movie about

turkeys.

But about turkeys getting

revenge?

There's a movie about turkeys

going back in time to get

turkey off the menu.

No, no, no.

Or something.

This is more violent.

I'm thinking more.

I'm sure someone's done that,

though.

I don't care.

You know what?

We don't know that.

And even if it is right now,

even if there was, we don't

know about it right now.

So let me tell you about

something.

There's a little movie that was

on PBS back in the day.

And it was called The Hoboken

Chicken Emergency.

And it was about this giant

person-sized chicken that befriended

a young boy.

And people in the town wanted

to capture the chicken and all

sorts of other things.

And wanted to say that the

chicken was a threat.

Well, what would happen if you

had that?

But it was a turkey.

And what's wrong with normal

turkeys getting revenge?

Because I think we need to up

the factor of the reasons for

revenge here.

See, giant turkeys don't just

get created.

They're hybridized.

Just like giant chickens, like

today.

Giant chickens.

The chicken breast that you get

at the average grocery store is

from these chickens that have

been specifically bred over

time.

Radioactive chickens.

Radioactive chickens.

Basically.

Basically.

And next time you're having

some soup that you made out of

chicken broth, just remember

that

you're drinking tasty,

delicious radioactive chicken

juice.

And that's where we start our

movie, sort of.

So we go to a science lab.

I swear, I swear we didn't plan

this ahead of time.

No, we didn't.

We go to a science lab.

Well, he did.

But I didn't.

I just had an idea.

By the way, Hollywood, this is

a random idea.

So we won't charge you as much

at the beginning.

We'll say, what, about $50,000

plus 5% of the gross.

Not $25,000.

In perpetuity.

All right, we'll start at $25,000.

We'll be nice.

Yeah.

$25,000, but still 5% of the

gross, including DVD, Blu-ray,

digital sales, all that.

In perpetuity.

We go to a lab.

And it's...

You can't use one of the actual

big chicken turkey manufacturer

names or, you know...

Because then you get sued.

Because then you get sued.

You have to come up with a fake

name that combines two of them.

Like half of the name of one,

half of the name of the other.

Why don't we just call it Big

Egg?

Big Egg Co.

Big Egg, yes.

Big Egg Incorporated.

Big Bird.

No, wait, we can't use Big Bird.

Yeah, we can't use Big Bird.

We can't use Big Bird, no.

Big Egg Incorporated.

Big Egg Incorporated, okay.

And Big Egg Incorporated has

just discovered a new genetic

algorithm using CRISPR.

CRISPR?

Yes.

CRISPR is an actual technology

to do genetic tinkering.

Oh.

I'm not kidding.

So, turkey sales have been down

the past couple of years.

And, you know, people...

People just don't have enough

to be thankful for, it seems.

People want more.

They want more for their money.

They want bigger breasts.

Bigger thighs.

Really.

They want bigger everything.

They want it to be more flavorful,

too.

Because, let's be honest...

Turkey by itself...

Not really all that good.

I'm gonna be honest.

Like, turkey by itself...

Not a great meat.

Scientists...

Like, we...

Here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna...

We're gonna...

Crack this code.

We're gonna find the right

genes to make some of the

biggest turkeys ever.

I'm sure nothing will go wrong.

And what we're gonna do is...

These turkeys are gonna be so

big...

We're gonna take a line from

Jurassic Park...

That we need to use ostrich

eggs to hatch them.

And so...

You have, like, one lone

scientist that comes in.

And this is before we even roll

credits.

Like...

Guys, are you sure you know

what you're doing?

Don't worry.

This is what the public wants.

And...

They inject...

They inject the egg...

With the special...

Genetic stuff.

And, of course, then we do a

stereotypical opening when it

comes to genetic manipulation

stuff.

You show the...

So you start rolling the

credits.

You show the DNA going in.

Yeah.

And starting to swirl around in

solution.

And then you show...

The cell's starting to divide.

And eventually...

You show it right as it's about

to hatch.

And then when it's hatched...

It hatches its beak...

You cut to its beak poking out.

Yeah.

With some horrific music.

And then you cut away.

It's like, okay.

And now you cut to kid.

Now, this kid...

How old do you think we should

make kid?

Uh...

Eight?

Eight.

Eleven?

All right.

We'll go with ten.

It's right between eight and

eleven.

Ten-year-old kid.

We'll give him glasses.

Because even today...

Because even today...

I'm...

You know, I don't know what it's

like in school these days.

I don't know what it's like for

real.

I don't know what the gritty...

But everyone knows that people

with glasses are nerds.

There we go.

I mean, there's the nerd emojis.

So I think that's still the

commensary of life.

So, you have nerdy kid.

He's getting tricked in the

hallways.

He's got a crush on little girl,

but would never say it because

at, you know, age ten...

His shoelaces are always in

time.

Yeah.

At age ten, you know, the girl

still might have cooties.

By the way, at the end of the

movie, I think that's a great

beat that you put in just now.

His shoes are always untied.

But then, by the end of the

movie...

It shows his shoes as being

tied.

That he's matured and grown

through this experience.

What experience is that?

On to you.

Okay.

On to you at the station.

Well, again, you gotta help me

out with this because I just

had an idea.

I didn't have a full story.

So, kid gets picked on.

You know, comes home.

Gets picked on at home.

His mom and his dad, you know.

Well, do we...

Do we...

We go with the cliche of he

doesn't have a dad.

Like, dad's out of the picture.

It's just mom.

And maybe a brother or sister.

Probably a sister.

Okay.

Just mom and older or younger

sister?

Older.

Older sister.

I mean, if you want to go with

the getting picked on.

Or you could go with the

younger if you don't want to do

that.

You know what?

Now, I don't want to have his

sister be a jerk to him.

I want her to sometimes be

annoyed with him.

But...

Or annoyed that she has to

babysit him.

But she actually cares.

Okay.

And...

So, he comes home.

You know, his mom is getting

ready to leave for her second

job.

Even though she was going to be

home that day.

And they were going to watch

his favorite movie together or

something.

Should he have a figure like

Uncle Buck?

No.

Think Gremlins.

But...

But less funny and more blood.

I was going to say, like...

What's the baseball one?

Sandlot?

Yeah, I was going to say, like,

Sandlot.

Like, turkey violence.

Yeah.

There's too many...

Too many kids deal with some

Sandlot.

Yeah.

All right.

But anyways...

The viewers...

The listeners know what we're

talking about.

Right.

Probably.

Kid's upset, though.

You know, she still...

His mom still made his favorite

meal.

Like, which is...

We'll say is Blue Box Mac and

Cheese.

Because every kid loves Blue

Box Mac and Cheese.

He's like...

No.

Like, it's not the same.

You won't be here.

His sister tries to comfort him.

She's like, hey, you know,

buddy, I'll be here with you.

It's not the same.

Mom's never here for me.

And he storms outside and, like,

their property is, like, right

up near the woods.

So he kind of runs out into the

woods.

Jimmy, come back.

I'm just saying Jimmy.

I don't know.

Like, we lose names like Jim

and John and whatnot a lot here.

Hold on.

We should give him an actual

name here.

What kind of like Jimmy?

No, it feels too typical.

Okay.

And it feels too ordinary.

We need to give him a name that,

like, would be worth making fun

of him, you know?

Terry?

Terry.

Terrence?

Yeah.

All right.

Terrence.

Yeah.

But Terry.

Terry, come back.

And he runs out into the woods.

And about that time, it pans

the camera over.

So the sister comes back.

She's like, oh.

You know what?

I would like to add something.

Sure.

Big Egg Incorporated, like,

their biggest factory is in

this town.

And it's the pride of the town.

Right, right, right.

Et cetera, et cetera.

They love their Big Egg Incorporated.

We're getting to that in a

moment.

So.

I figured.

Meanwhile, sister.

So kid runs out into the woods.

She's like, you know, I really

wish that, you know, he would

just have some self-esteem

or learn that, you know, we

could still be a family even if

he doesn't always get his way

or something like that.

And as she's saying that, the

camera pans over to the TV and

the local news is on because it's

around dinner time.

And it's like, Big Egg Incorporated

reported a serious accident

today in their science division.

Would Big Egg Incorporated

really report such an accident?

Well, yeah, because it was a

horrific accident.

And they would say, you know,

we've received reports from the

families of the injured workers

who have not received any

information about the nature of

the accident that their loved

ones were involved in.

We also reached out to Big Egg

Incorporated for comment, but

they refused to give any

comment

at this time.

They refused to elaborate

further.

They refused to elaborate

except to say that at Big Egg

Incorporated, we take pride in

our

our working conditions and in

the communities that we serve.

And we are going to thoroughly

investigate this matter in

order to determine how this

happened

and to prevent any future

instances.

That's all they comment, which

is a great technical, like a

great corporate speak thing.

And then, at that point, you

cut to Big Egg Incorporated's

like chairman board room.

Yeah.

It's like, how could you have

let this happen?

We spent months on this.

How could you have let this

happen?

We had one worker who was dead

and two other loved ones are

going to be suing us for

millions

of dollars.

What happened?

Well, we're still trying to

determine that, sir.

Well, I don't care what you do.

You need to go and get that

property back.

You need to go and find this

thing.

Well, sir, I'm just lowly

scientist, man.

Who do you expect me?

Well, I wasn't saying that you

need to do it.

Get me the cleaner or the

hunter or whatever.

Like, you have to have some

kind of name for the person you're

going to be calling up, you

know?

Oh, the tracker?

The tracker.

Or the trapper.

Get me trapper on the line.

Now.

And then you cut to Kid in

Woods.

And Kid is in Woods.

He's like over on a rock or

something, hanging out in the

woods, crying.

And he hears a noise.

He's like, who's there?

And it's the giant turkey.

It slowly kind of reveals

itself.

The giant turkey covered with

blood.

Kid doesn't know that that's

not the giant turkey's blood.

And he's a little bit

frightened at first.

So he jumps off the rock and

runs and hides behind a tree.

Does giant turkey look like

turkey?

Oh, of course.

Like, it's not standard by the...

No.

I mean, it's human-sized, but

it's a turkey.

Okay.

And it can't be, like, comically

done either.

It has to be...

Like, it cannot be...

It cannot look like a person in

a suit, even if it's a person

in a suit.

Like, even if you approach this

with really high-end animatronics,

it's going to look like a

turkey.

But the thing is that this

turkey's brain is bigger than

an average turkey's brain.

So obviously it's a little bit

smarter.

It might not speak human

because, I mean, bird anatomy

would make that difficult.

But it does have a sense of

being able to sense intent and

emotion.

And I think that what we do is

we make it seem like turkey's

friendly.

And it takes pity on kid.

But it isn't real.

This turkey just needs a place

to hop.

Like, this turkey's been out

for blood the entire time.

But we want it to seem as if it's

going to be...

Originally, I was going to have

it be like kid befriends turkey

and then that goes wrong.

But I think it's a better twist

to have it be like this is an...

We have to convey somehow, this

is an evil bird.

But kid, you know, gradually pokes

his head out and is like, hey,

are you okay?

Or like, where are you coming

from?

Where'd you come from?

And the turkey kind of like

turns to him and scratches an

arrow in the ground that points

towards the factory.

He's like, the turkey factory?

Oh, no.

Oh, geez.

And Thanksgiving's only two

days away.

You must be some kind of like

new thing that they're trying

to get out on the market.

And the turkey kind of like bobs

its head up and down.

And it's like, mm-hmm.

Yep.

Oh, I don't really have many

friends.

You could be my friend and I

could put you in the basement.

And like, I don't know how we

do this, but we'd have to make

it like ominous music as the

kid brings it back.

Because this is a situation

where kid is too young and dumb

to realize that he's befriended

a serial killer.

Or it could be like it sounds

like happy music, but it's

played in like a key or a chord

that makes it sound off.

Yep.

Or it starts off happy and then

it like has a little bit of dissonance

at the very end to make you

feel aww.

Yeah.

So, kid sneaks turkey home.

It's like, well, I don't know

what turkeys this size, you

know, eat or whatever.

Hey, you stay down here.

Or he cleans the turkey off

with the hose in the back, even

though it's like November, so

it's a little bit cold.

But oh, well.

Or we can do it in California.

Yeah, it's always warm in

California.

But anyway, kid hoses turkey

off, puts him in the basement,

and there's obviously stairs

that go out.

And he ends up going upstairs

to try to find food.

In the meantime, we cut to the

tracker.

And he's got...

Also, would Trapper...

Trapper.

Would Trapper have the same

personality, like a similar

personality to...

Trapper from M.A.S.H.?

No.

No.

But I will say this with the

Trapper.

Initially, we think he's going

to be the Bat Guy.

But he's actually kind of going

to be the hero.

And he's going to end up befriending

the kid and maybe, you know,

off-camera getting together

with his mom and whatnot.

Okay.

So he's got his special tracker.

And it's like, huh, I've traced

the creature's signal to these

woods.

And then he traces it to the

backyard.

And then it's like, well, but

the signal dies here at this

backyard.

I wonder what's going on.

And the kid is kind of looking

out the window.

And it's like, huh.

You know?

And so Trapper calls it in.

He's like, guys, we're going to

need a recovery team at this

address.

And he knocks on the door.

And, you know, kid's sister.

And, well, you know, hey, have

you...

Look, I work for this company.

And we, you know, we're just

looking to see if anything

unusual...

No, like, I haven't seen

anything unusual.

Well, just like, you know, you

know, we can't reveal the exact

nature of what we're looking

for.

But let's just say that...

It'll be unlike anything you've

ever seen before.

Yeah.

It's something valuable and

dangerous.

Okay.

Well, I'll keep my eyes open.

Meanwhile, like, brother is

here.

He's like, no.

So, God leaves.

He's like, still, send this

team.

You know, we need to get here

soon.

And kid's like, no, sis, you

can't do that.

Like, I found the creature and

it's a giant turkey.

And she's like, yeah, okay.

And meanwhile, like, turkey can

kind of hear this through the

floorboards.

It's like, oh, no.

The guys are coming.

It decides to wait in the

corner of the basement, like,

right near the doors.

So, when they come down the

stairs, they're going to get it.

And you hear this music play.

Again, kid is like, no, like,

we got to save him.

So, team shows up.

And somebody knocks on the door

again.

Hey, we actually tracked this

thing here.

We didn't want to tell you

earlier.

You're in extreme danger.

You need to evacuate the

premises immediately.

Like, this thing is somewhere

here.

Well, my brother said, and this

sounds really weird, but he

said that there was a giant

turkey or something.

And I know that when he's tried

to hide stuff from our parents

in the past, he hid it in the

basement.

And they're like, okay, thank

you.

You need to get out of here.

So, the two guys go down into

the basement.

Like, there's two guys with

machine guns.

And they just get slaughtered.

This thing jumps out.

Would there be any screams?

Oh, of course.

No, you're going to show this.

Yeah.

Like, first thing, like, it

immediately takes out the first

guy by taking his beak and,

like, just slicing through the

guy's jugular vein.

There's blood spurting all over

the place.

The other guy starts, like,

trying to open fire but can't

see.

Well, I should not be able to

see that well.

Like, the actual scene because

it's dark in the basement.

Well, yeah, it's dark.

But there has to be just enough

light, like, maybe from the,

what do you call it, the muzzle

flashes and stuff.

And then you hear, like, a,

like, it's like a velociraptor

but it's a turkey.

So, and then the turkey runs

outside and little boy sees it

and decides to follow it, which

is a really bad idea at this

point because clearly this

thing is just a straight-up

killer.

Like, it knows what people are

after it for.

And Trapper, like, pulled

sister aside.

He's like, where did your

brother go?

She's like, I don't know.

And Trapper's like, look, I

didn't want to tell you this

but that was no accident at the

lab.

What happened was we created

this giant mutant turkey to

give people more for

Thanksgiving.

You know, the whole community

says, well, that doesn't seem

too bad.

That doesn't seem to, yeah.

But it's smart.

And it all went wrong.

It all went wrong.

It figured out our plans.

And it, it wanted to live.

And it butchered one person and

severely injured two.

It's just like, oh, come on.

I don't know if I believe that.

And he's like, well, you said

it was in the basement, right?

Alpha team, report in.

Alpha team.

And they go downstairs.

She turns on the lights.

And there's just like, oh, the

horror.

Oh, the horror.

We don't even want to describe

it here on this podcast.

Well, let's just say there's

blood.

There's guts.

There's organs.

There's organs.

There's entrails.

There's everything.

There's everything.

All over the place.

And the girl takes one look and

screams.

And he's like, where did your

brother go?

She's like, I don't know.

He's like, well, we better find

him.

Meanwhile, it's, it's the

turkey's one loose end.

Meanwhile, the turkey, the

turkey sees the boy tucks and

is like tucking him under his

wing, running with him to an

abandoned building nearby.

And they happen to encounter

like two or three other people,

not like even members of the

turkey company, not members of

Big Egg, but just like they're

talking about like, did you

hear about that accent, Big Egg?

Yeah, that's, that's pretty

terrible.

And the fact that they're all

asking us to keep our eyes open

for anything strange.

And the turkey just runs out

and mauls these people.

And the kid can see.

Oh, yeah.

Like the kid's under the wing,

but it can, the kid can still

see.

He's like, no, what are you

doing?

What are you doing?

And he's just like tearing

these people apart right in

front of the kid.

Turkeys these days have no

sense of decency.

Yep.

And then the turkey's making

for this structure that is like

a rundown place that kind of

looks like a chicken poop, but

it's like bigger.

It's like an old rundown

factory or warehouse or

something.

Maybe it's like a water wheel

thing.

Right.

And then, so now Trapper is

with the sister and he's like,

you know, I think I have an

idea where this thing might

have went.

And if we have any chance of

saving your brother, we're

going to need to go alone.

Because going in with a team is

not going to help.

She's like, I'll do whatever

you say.

And they get in his car and

they drive off.

Now, meanwhile, I got to figure

out how do we put kid in

turmoil?

Like, how do we put him in

danger in such a way that, like,

he's not actually being killed

by the turkey, but it's

something that the turkey could

actually set up.

Maybe the turkey had babies.

Hmm.

That's a good idea.

So turkey somehow is, oh, and

that gives us a cliffhanger at

the end because turkey is

clearly a girl turkey, which

means there had to be a guy

turkey.

So anyway.

And maybe there's just one egg

left.

Or one egg left.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But so turkey.

I mean, it is a genetically

modified turkey.

Who says that it needs a male

turkey?

Okay.

So turkey has secret clutch of

eggs in this place and leaves

the boy there to be food for

the hatchlings.

And the boy kind of gets a

sense because one of them, I

think, is going to hatch.

Yeah.

We're going to have one of them

hatch.

At least.

At least one hatches and tries

to attack him.

And he has to get injured a

little bit, but not enough like

he's severely injured because

he has to obviously fight back

at some point.

It bites his arm or his leg.

Yeah.

Something.

So anyway.

So he gets brought to the nest

and he's still not like he

thinks that the bird is scared.

He's sketchy and he's not sure

if the bird is truly good or

evil, but then he sees the eggs

and he's like, oh, I see.

You're just protecting your

babies.

And door closes behind him.

Door closes behind him.

Door closes behind him.

You can hear the thunk of the

wood outside.

And you hear some scratching

inside the eggs and stuff.

And he's like, oh, they're

going to hatch soon.

It left me here to babysit.

Meanwhile, you cut to Trapper.

Trapper is like, all right, let

me just take out my tracker

here.

And he takes out the tracker.

Sure enough, it's pointing

right to that bill.

Well, why do you think it came

here?

Well, just look at the place.

It looks like a giant chicken

coop.

And so he's getting ready.

He's like, I got to go in there.

And she's like, is there

anything I could do?

And he's like.

Keep a good eye out.

Keep an eye out just in case.

Oh, and here.

Have you ever used a gun before?

Trust me.

You might need it.

So she's outside.

And cut back to Kid and the

eggs.

Suspenseful music is playing.

And the eggs start, like,

cracking.

And one of them hatches.

He's like, oh, hi there, little.

And so, like, Kid is in this,

like, room.

But it's also kind of like a

cape.

So he starts, like, climbing up

the mesh walls.

Oh, I felt like there might be,

like, a staircase or something.

All right, maybe there's a

staircase.

And then he can kick the

pursuing chick all the way down.

So he kicks the chick down.

Maybe he finds, like, a fire

axe.

I mean, it would have to be

something that would make sense

in, like, a water wheel mill

thing.

Because that's what I imagine

it being.

Something like that.

Well, yeah, but you still, if

it's a warehouse or a water

wheel type place, you still

have to have something for fire.

Something.

Like, fine.

It's like a crowbar thing to be

able to, like, open valves and

stuff.

Yeah.

But he goes and he, like,

knocks the first baby

unconscious.

And it shows him smashing the

eggs, but it doesn't really

show it, like, on camera.

Yeah.

So you're presuming he gets all

the eggs.

And maybe some stuffed sweaters

on his face.

Yeah, some stuffed sweaters.

Well, yeah, it would have to be

a combination of yolk.

And blood.

And blood.

And, of course, like, mama

turkey hears this and comes

back.

And it's, like, screeching.

So tracker guy comes in and he

hears the kids screaming.

And, like, luckily the kid's

out of the big turkey's reach.

He crawls up into a crawl space

or something.

Yeah.

And.

He crawls in between some cogs

and gears.

Yeah, he gets under the water

wheel, like, where he can slip

through and, like, end up

outside.

Yeah.

So he escapes.

And.

But he circles back.

So he circles around.

Turkey is now left to face

tracker.

Tracker's like, all right, this,

this ends now.

And the turkey is like.

You know.

And lunges at him.

And they start fighting.

And the turkey eventually

scratches him.

And the guy's gun goes flying.

And he, like, makes a break for

it.

Meanwhile, sister, like, hears

all the commotion.

She gets out of the car and is,

like,

standing there listening.

And all of a sudden she sees

tracker coming out.

And he's like, get the gun.

And so he's running towards the

car.

She's running towards him.

But she trips and falls.

Dun, dun, dun.

And the gun goes flying.

And she sees turkey, giant

turkey, going for the tracker

guy.

And tracker, like, flips over.

And, like, tracker then, like,

is running.

And the turkey kind of does,

like, a weird hop fly thing.

Because it can't truly fly.

Yeah.

And knocks him over.

And knocks him over.

So he sprawls out on his

stomach.

It looks like it's all over.

He flips over.

And is ready to, like, hold up

his arm to the attacker.

And that's when, bang, you hear

a shot.

And it's Terrence with the gun

shooting the turkey.

And the turkey looks, turns

around quickly and screeches.

Like, it hit one of his wing.

And it starts running.

And Terrence just keeps going,

bang, bang, bang.

And finally, the turkey falls.

And tracker comes over.

This feels a little bit too

short to be a movie.

Well, you know, we're doing

what we can with the time and

ideas that we have.

Obviously, we'd have to flesh

this out more.

We'd have to have more time for

tracker to build a relationship

with the kids.

And we haven't brought the mom

into it at all.

Yeah, but she went to work, you

know.

Like, she can't really be that

involved with it.

But tracker guy is like, ah,

you did good, kid.

You did real good.

You should be proud of yourself.

I killed my own new friend.

And then the kid goes, we have

to have, this is the campy line

part.

The kid's like, well, it looks

like we'll be eating good for

Thanksgiving this year.

Hey, would you like to come to

dinner?

Or would you like to come to

Thanksgiving with us?

And he's like, I don't have

anywhere else to be.

It seems like there'll be

plenty of food.

And then it cuts to them, you

know.

So does he get fired at some

point?

I don't know.

Like, you know, I guess you

have the company call him at

some point.

I mean, because he killed the

merchandise.

Trevor, what happened?

It's been neutralized.

But we have millions of dollars

in that.

Sir, trust me.

There was no other way.

Click.

So it's not like we leave

ambiguous whether he got fired

or not.

But then you cut to them having

this wonderful Thanksgiving

meal.

And like, you know, hey, this

is the best turkey we've ever

had.

And we're able to donate tons

to the local food shelter, too.

Yeah.

And you have them smiling at

each other, laughing, whatever.

And then as they're laughing

and stuff, it drowns out.

And you have, like, the camera

go through the woods, go to

that water wheel place.

And there's one egg that the

kid missed.

Or it rolled off.

It rolled off into a corner or

something.

Yeah.

And it hatches.

And you hear the...

And that...

It cuts to black.

Well, I know what this sounds

like.

What's it sound like?

Sounds like it would be a cult

classic at some point.

Yeah.

It wouldn't do well at the

start.

It probably wouldn't initially

do well.

You're right.

Yeah.

But that's why we get 5% in

perpetuity.

So, you know what?

I don't know that the cost is

going to go off that much from

$25,000.

I think that they...

Unfortunately, inflation isn't

as bad today.

Well, not just that.

But I just don't think that the

money is there.

So, maybe at most $50,000 for

the idea.

Plus the 5% of the gross.

But this will...

Hollywood.

We're being generous.

This will be a sleeper classic.

Yeah.

And I think the point is, is

that, yes, it still needs to be

fleshed out.

But we've gotten a majority of

the story there.

Yep.

And I think that it really...

Maybe we have to have some more

deaths.

Yeah.

We have to have the turkey,

like, maybe kill some people

prior to the case.

The turkey could cause a

traffic jam.

Yeah.

Yep.

Like, maybe show it killing

some of the security guards or

something.

And also, the turkey could

cause a traffic jam so that the

tracker and the girl couldn't

get there as quickly.

Right.

Maybe it, you know, kills a

hunter in the woods.

Yeah.

So, we build up...

We killed a taxi driver.

Yeah.

We build up some tension.

We don't want to have it to be

too comedic.

But I think that the idea has...

Merit.

Has merit.

Has legs.

And this could be made fairly

cheap if you...

Or like turkey legs.

Yeah.

Of course.

That's why I said it that way.

I'm feeling it in my giblets.

Hmm.

So, hey, Hollywood.

Look, this would be cheap to

make.

You just need to have somebody

that does some great animatronics.

Not that expensive to make.

You can make a little bit of

profit on it initially.

But, like, look for the DVD and

Blu-ray sales.

And streaming.

I swear you'll hit it, babe.

The streaming on Tubi.

Those sweet, sweet

advertisement money, you know?

Yep.

This, actually, this would be a

Tubi original.

It would go straight to Tubi.

But then Tubi, we would still

recommend.

Get the Blu-rays out, you know?

Like, do a Tubi release of a

bunch of stuff as a Blu-ray

collection.

Like, the Tubi signature

collection.

I think that would be amazing.

They need to do that.

So, once again, I think that we

have great ideas here.

And if you have great ideas,

feel free to email us at...

feedback@nontopical.com .

That's right.

Feedback@Nontopical.com.

And we also believe in a little

something known as...

Value for value.

Which means if you get value

out of the show...

Please show some value in

return.

It doesn't matter what it is.

We're perfectly happy with

anything from just an email to,

you know, a hypothetical $1,000.

That's just the way things go.

So, hey, we appreciate anything

you can send our way.

This is really just a labor of

boredom and love for us.

Yeah.

And so, we're going to keep

doing this anyway.

But if you like it, we'd love

to hear that.

Anyway, that about wraps it up

for episode 15.

Yeah.

Or is it 16?

It's 15.

Probably.

Probably 15.

Anyway.

Hey, do you know what giant turkeys

like to eat?

What?

Cheese quesadilla.

I thought I already said that

this time.

Well, I'm stealing.

All right.

Well, thanks for listening,

everyone.

Bye.

Bye.