hello everybody it is 2026
happy new year sir happy new
year so are you excited for the
new
year no why not uh because you
get to be older okay i mean is
that necessarily a negative or
it means
that you get to die more you
get to die more yeah i mean
that's an interesting way of
looking at life
i guess i mean every second is
really a second closer to death
regardless of where you are in
your life so you're not wrong
do you have any plans for the
the new year sir get a job get
a job you bum
so you're gonna get a job
hopefully hopefully and thus
starts your giving the u.s
government your
one million dollars of lifetime
value yeah and productivity and
whatnot that's that's the goal
anyway uh yeah my my goal for
2026 right now is hopefully to
to move later this year we'll
see how
that goes but that's the goal
yeah that's the plan anyway so
we survived the holidays we
hope that you
enjoyed or at least were mildly
amused by our two bonus
episodes i am still partial to
the
jedi being cut in half by
lightsabers i still think that
that is the ultimate expression
of jedi and the
sith too i mean really they all
need to be cut in half with a
lightsaber especially under the
reign of
disney just saying you know i i
just thought of what the
purpose of double-bladed lightsabers
is you
could cut twice as many people
in half yeah exactly
well we have survived the
holidays we hope you all did as
well and really quick i
normally ask for
feedback at the end of the show
but i'm also going to ask for
it at the beginning of the show
today
what do you like about the show
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so that we know what we can do
to make the show better while
still enjoying ourselves well
so i was thinking all right we've
gotten through the holidays oh
no you were thinking yes i know
it's a dangerous pastime but we
got through the holidays and
you know generally in the
united states
the primary holiday is of
course christmas there there
are others out there don't get
me wrong there's
also hanukkah three kings day kwanzaa
yule uh there's a bunch of
different holidays that fall
within the
same time period mostly because
they're all based upon the
winter solstice but that said
so we went through our phase of
getting the the cacophony of
stuff we've we've all gotten
our stuff now
and it got me to thinking okay
so you have the myth of santa
claus
which by the way the current
version of santa claus as we
know him is largely driven by
coca-cola
that's not a joke uh based
loosely on the original
character or person of um sinterklaas
or paranoel
etc etc which probably also has
roots staying back to paganism
and all sorts of things all
right fine
regardless magical somewhat
deity-like creature has
delivered our gifts
and it got me to thinking we
get all this stuff and i know i'm
grateful for the stuff that i
get i
know kit is generally grateful
for the stuff that he gets
although i wouldn't put those
words in his mouth
you are grateful right sir
but but we have this santa claus
guy and i know that there's
rules the rule is he makes a
list and
he checks it twice to see who's
naughty and nice and and he
watches you as you see stalks
you using elf on
the shelf all right he sees you
when you're sleeping he knows
when you're awake all right the
santa guy is
kind of creepy luckily we we
will for the time being presume
he is altruistic he's just keep
he's not looking at
you when you're like in states
of undress he's not looking at
you in creepy ways he he's just
making
sure that you know he gets a
general sense of your behavior
i mean it technically only says
that he sees
you when you're sleeping he
just says that he knows when
you're awake yeah exactly he
knows when you're
awake that doesn't mean that he
is watching you when you're
awake anyway but you know i got
to thinking
the whole present versus cold
thing is a sham and here's why
i say that as a kid i was an
asshole
if you were to gauge my
behavior on a scale of like you
know naughty or nice i mean i
didn't do
my school work i was a pain in
the ass to my parents even more
so than normal and i was i was
a dick to my sister and that
was constant this wasn't like
an occasional thing that this
was my
normal way of being as a kid
and do you know what i never
got coal coal i still got
presents some years
i got more than others and you
know it just strikes me that santa's
gotten lazy with his compliance
you know everybody has to have
compliance yeah because if you
don't drive compliance of your
processes and policies then
people will just do whatever
the heck they want if you're a
kid
and you were not good and you
get presents anyway then what
does that teach you uh you can
do whatever
you want you can do whatever
you want all right so that's
one issue is that the whole
coal versus
present thing has gone by the
wayside and santa claus has
really gotten complacent that's
problem
one but we have a second
problem it's not just the coal
all right that's problem one is
compliance
or lack thereof to the original
paradigm but the second issue
is wealth inequality
all right as we all know the
middle class zone is slowly but
surely becoming
just paycheck to paycheck
versus what normally would have
paid the bills perfectly fine
just 10 years ago
yeah and so the middle class is
shrinking the rich are getting
richer the poor are getting
poorer
and those rich asshole kids
just get like endless gifts
like they get so much stuff
they get a new game
system every year they get
generalizing yeah they get all
their fancy little tiny cars
yeah they get the
you know the new the latest iphone
the latest android the latest
the latest drones the latest uh
you know
three thousand dollar robot
dogs really they get so much
stuff and then they don't end
up using any of it
it's like oh we got all this
stuff i'm gonna play with one
thing and then everything else
like kind of
gets ignored or whatever please
note that that is that this is
not a true representation of
all rich
kids yes exactly and also i
will say that rich entitled
kids tend to be assholes again
as the stereotype as
the stereotype this is not
necessarily saying that this is
what we truly believe of all
rich kids it's just
saying that the stereotype is
you have rich kids that get
given everything and they're snotty
little assholes
so where am i going with this
so we have two problems we have
a lack of compliance on the on
the part of
this so-called santa claus and
we also have asshole kids that
have too much stuff
and we have poor kids that don't
like they get like you know a
box with bubble wrap and that's
their gift
you know well no not really i
mean a lot of less fortunate
kids are able to get toys
through like toy
funds and things like that but
yeah it's unfortunate you know
it really is now we're going to
get into the
the story idea based upon this
concept hollywood the deal now
goes into effect now this is a
new and
original idea so we're going to
we're going to lowball this
initially but it's going to be
25 000 for the
idea plus five percent of the
gross profits and we we mean
the gross profits before you do
any of your
crazy accounting shenanigans in
perpetuity across all mediums
of sale so there's an elf oh
boy and i think i've come up
with a title for this uh this
this story already i'm just not
sure what the right tone is we're
gonna call it elven hood
instead of robin hood it's elven
hood so you have an elf and the
elf looks at exactly what i'm
talking about
which is he's seeing this
disparity between rich and poor
and asshole kids and good kids
and he's seeing
that things aren't quite quite
right you know that everybody's
really getting presents nobody
gets cold
and there's you know the kids
that are rich i mean santa's
favoring the kids that are rich
for some reason
and that's not right and so of
course he does what you're
supposed to do he tries to
follow the chain of command
so first he goes to like the
the head elf for his department
all right let's come up with an
elf name before we get started
let's give this guy a name
i feel like it should start
with grin grin yeah it should
start with that uh grin tea
too short grindendorf grinendorf
that sounds like it's from lord
of the rings grinendorf it's it's
like
the bad guy from from zelda but
with a big grin on his face
grinendorf i mean we can't use
grindelwald
because that's that oh no i
said it oh no copyright oh no
oh no uh grinsky i mean that's
it's a polish elf
we're good grinsky okay okay so
we have grinsky this is so dumb
all right grinsky goes to his
like line
foreman oh i thought i thought
you were saying the uh the head
elf name no no no the main
character oh
uh well now the main character
is grinsky well but that might
not fit it doesn't matter it is
now
grinsky so anyway grinsky goes
to his his supervisor manager
and says hey you know i'm
looking at the gift
piles and i'm seeing that the
gift piles for the rich kids
are bigger than the gift piles
for the small kids
and a lot of these rich kids
aren't that good we should do
something about it and and the
head elf is
like yeah but that's bad for
business what business we don't
make any money the business of
bringing cheer
and joy to the world of course
right so he's not too happy
with that answer and he kind of
ponders it
You know, we should give him an
animal sidekick.
Oh no. What type of animal
should he have?
I mean it's gotta be something
that can survive in warmer climates
anyway, because eventually
he's gonna be going other
places. Can a snow fox survive
in warmer climates? Yeah, I
think so. So snow fox, what are
we gonna call the snow fox?
Gotta give it a good name. You
know what, let's call it Fundy.
We can do that. We can and we
just did. Come at me Fundy.
Look, we're advertising for
Fundy. These are temporary
names. We're advertising for
Fundy here. Look, the studios
can change it later, but in the
meantime, Fundy, Minecraft
YouTuber extraordinaire, watch
him. Anyway, this is not
sponsored by Fundy, but if Fundy
ever listened to this, it'd be
awesome. You know what, that'd
be even better.
It's a talking arctic fox or
snow fox voiced by Fundy. That
would be amazing. Alright, so
we have this snow fox or arctic
fox. Grinsky goes back to his
room and he's like saying, you
know, Fundy, I still don't feel
like this is right. You know,
there are so many people that
have so little. And, you know,
Santa is really just...
continuing the capitalist
paradigm here.
By the way, I'm not an anti-capitalist,
just for the record.
But it's fun to make fun of
capitalism. I will say that.
So I'm not anti-capitalist. I
just like making fun of it.
So he starts talking to Fundy,
and Fundy is just like laying
there,
being all nice, as a good pet
does, feeling bad
for his master. It's fine.
What is Grinsky going to do
next?
I mean, obviously, we've got to
go to the CEO of this
corporation.
Okay. So...
Grinsky... Well, first of all,
though, I think we need a
montage
of Grinsky, like, trying...
Like, draws up some charts.
He's like, you know what? Maybe
his boss also says,
and you know what? You're
making these allegations, but
you really have no data
to back it up. Yeah. Where's
the evidence?
Hmm. So we should do this
montage of him, like, actually
counting the package count,
actually looking at the naughty
and nice lists and seeing how
the algorithm has changed over
the years.
You know, how it went from
being a manual process where
they were actually using some
kind of wizardry to look at
kids, to where now it's all
done by AI. Oh, no.
All right. And then he brings
all this data. Well, no. In
that montage, you have to have
him on the phone with customer
service.
That would be that pause moment
that goes into reality where he's
on the phone with customer
service for what? Like,
delivery for what? Like,
because customer service...
What is customer service for
the elves at the North Pole?
Hmm. Like, what do they need
customer service for? They're
manufacturing the toys. They're
wrapping the toys. They're
delivering the toys. I mean,
you've got to have, like,
customer service for getting
the materials for the toys.
I mean, I guess. You know,
maybe it's, like, to gauge...
Maybe they... He's contacting
customer service to get a hold
of their, like, numbers for,
like, complaints and stuff.
Yeah. Well, fine. But montage
later, he's gotten all this
data. He goes back to his boss.
It's like, look, I have the raw
data. And his boss basically
says, well, that's the way we've
been doing it and that's the
way we're going to keep doing
it.
So he starts going to his other
elves and none of them seem to
have an issue with it either.
What do we do now? The other
elves are kind of like, yeah,
maybe something should happen,
but, like, it's too much work
and it's just going to get shot
down by upper management anyway.
why do we even bother you know
last time we tried to get an
idea up to the upper ups they
they they threatened to
decrease our uh cocoa supply
yeah we need our cocoa rations
like i
guess for elves cocoa is like
cocaine you know like they need
their cocoa damn it it's how
they
live eventually he decides he's
gonna go to the big man himself
he's gonna go to upper man he
goes
thunder crackles he he goes he
goes to the ceo head head elf
himself santa claus you know
and santa
claus of course we're gonna
make him like a corporate mogul
you know that one day of the
year
he'll put on this the the the santa
claus suit but really the rest
of the year he he's he's
wearing a
business suit you know he's
standing behind you know
stereotypical like he has an
office with like a
very like large looking door
you're kind of sponsored by coca-cola
yeah yeah he's got the
coca-cola images and branding
you know like like with a big
like thumbs up with the ceo of
coca-cola
next to him you know from the
marketing deals to use his
likeness he's got everything
going on um he's
got the big mahogany desk mahogany
mahogany mahogany mahogany see
if anybody gets that reference
he's got the
big mahogany desk he's got his
like his like black leather
shoes like propped up on the
desk smoking a big
ass cigar from cuba he's
wearing sunglasses he's wearing
sunglasses indoors
yeah he he's the fat cat
literally and figuratively yeah
well maybe not quite literally
he's not a cat but he is very
large
so anyway grinsky goes in
knocks on the door gingerly santa
doesn't even know who the hell
he is because he's at the top
of the corporate chains
like he can't know every elf
that is you know in wrapping or
in production or delivery
packaging
whatever like he doesn't know
any of that he just sees like a
little elf and he's like
i mean i i have an open door
policy but who the hell are you
yeah i i welcome your feedback
but so it's like yeah i'm grinty
or grinsky uh
uh well that came back quickly
i'm grinsky and uh sir i've
noticed some problems with our
package distribution and and
you know inequality in the
package distribution
and you know he gives the whole
spiel to santa he provides the
powerpoint deck
he gives them the spreadsheets
he gives them the evidence
and we're gonna do the stereotypical
thing where santa's like you
know you bring up some good
points
i'm gonna look over all these
numbers in this data and take
it under advisement
grinsky is like oh thank you
sir thank you
and he leaves the minute he
leaves santa presses the button
on the intercom
hey get me a hold of the
manager for grinsky
and the next thing you know grinsky
and and his fox friend fundy
are getting thrown out
now grinsky could you know with
his elf feet cold in the snow
he could feel defeated and
initially he does after all he's
given his entire life to santa
corp
he's he's gif all incorporated
yeah he's trying to work his
way up from a lowly
santa letter deliverer in the
mail room to toy idea or like
working with the major
companies like microsoft
and sony for the xbox and playstation
you know business relationships
he's he's really done
everything
he can and now he's thrown out
but what happens well initially
he's sad but then he gets mad
if no one else is going to do
anything about this i will
and so he begins his journey
and you know he builds himself
a workshop
he builds his own kind of magic
sled and he decides
i would say fundy builds the
sled fundy helps build the sled
yeah and fundy helps test the
sled you know
like you have like a puff of
smoke that hits him in the face
and he instead of being an arctic
fox
he gets covered with yeah you
know like that type of stuff
but we have to pick a date here
so he doesn't want to interfere
with santa's delivery of the
packages because i mean
he's not going to go up against
the big man you know not yet
anyway and eventually he has to
like
make a new friend somewhere
that believes the same as him
and i don't know who that's
going to be so
i'm leaning on you to come up
with some ideas along the way
here but so what's a good date
after
christmas when grinsky could go
for his very special ride uh
the 30th you know yeah that's
the new year's
new year's eve eve because
everybody's going to be awake
on actual new year's eve yeah
we can't have that
but at least this way the the
impact is going to be felt yeah
and maybe for the first year he
only takes
one major city just to give his
concept a try so what he's
going to do is he is going to
go down the
chimney of the rich folks
living in like their upper high
rises in manhattan you know he's
going to go into all the
all the apartments of all the
kids that have way too much
stuff and are assholes. And he's
gonna, you know, shall we say,
we appropriate the funds. He's
going to, you know, he'll
be smart about it. You know, he's
not gonna take everything. He's
just gonna take the
stuff that, you know, that the
kids are gonna get sick of
anyway. Well, it's still high-quality
stuff. I mean, if you have
three video game systems, well,
what do you care if one or two
of them go missing? I mean,
especially if it's a Steam Deck.
Like, that Steam Deck can play
anything. So who really cares
if you get rid of, like, the
Xbox and the PlayStation when
you have the Steam Deck? I mean,
they're really
aren't that many PlayStation
and Xbox exclusives anymore
anyway. So who cares? Yeah. But
he starts taking the stuff. And
then after he's taken the stuff,
he re-gives it to the less
fortunate. That were good. And,
you know what? His test goes
over pretty well. You know,
some of the rich kids were a
little bit disgruntled.
But many of them didn't even
notice. And their parents didn't
notice. It's like huh, we gave
this kid 20 gifts and now there's
10 and we don't even notice. So
test run number one goes uneventfully.
Yes.
Do you think Santa's reindeer
can talk? What do you mean? Do
you think Santa's reindeer can
talk? Well who said he's using
Santa's reindeer? Yeah, no, I'm
just asking for side characters.
I don't know that Santa's
reindeer are really that smart.
I mean, Rudolph they are. I
mean, plus, no offense, they've
already delivered their gifts.
Why would they know anything
about it?
I know, but that is for the
side character ideas. So do you
think they could talk or no? So
tell me how you would work the
reindeer into it organically.
Well, I have two ideas for side
characters. Okay, go. So one is
a nutcracker that was part of
like, you know, like the
management people.
Or maybe it had like a broken
arm or something and it was
disgruntled because it never
got delivered. Yeah, something
but I feel like it should have
been close to Santa at one
point. Okay, like like the nutcrackers
are like the Royal Guard or
something. Okay, that's a
possibility.
And then for the reindeer, she
kicked out because her name
wasn't catchy at all. Okay, so
like... It's the dumbest reason.
Like, like completely. It would
be bad for marketing. So her
name is like Broomhilda. Yeah.
Although that's from Robin Hood
Men in Tights, but I don't care.
Her name is Broomhilda. Or just
Hilda. We call it Hilda for
short. That's easier.
Alright, so we have these other
outcasts that eventually
somehow hear about things, but...
Let's go back to Grinsky now.
So Grinsky's had his first
successful run. And nobody
found out about it because it
was only one city. But, I mean,
that's... That's all well and
good. But now we don't really
have any conflict. He
successfully did what he wanted
to do.
So, where do we run into
conflict? How do we introduce
conflict into Grinsky's plan?
Maybe, maybe he was too willing
about leaving. Like, he came up
with the idea before he, like
right before he got picked out.
Okay.
And, and like, his supervisor
gets suspicious of that. That
he went too lonely. Like...
Okay, so... Maybe... You're
kind of in line with what I'm
thinking here. So maybe what we
do is... Now, keep in mind...
They only did one city. The
world's got like 9 billion
people, 10 billion people,
whatever it is at this point.
You're talking New York City.
Yeah, that's millions. But...
It's not a huge block. Yeah.
You know, this isn't like he
did all of Europe or all of the
United States.
But...
Being North Pole Corp...
They've got some metrics. Yeah.
And they've got some super like,
tiny CIA level GPS trackers
that are embedded into the
boxes.
Not into the wrapping paper,
because the wrapping paper gets
wrecked and thrown away.
Yeah.
But into the actual product
boxes.
They've got like this little
like label or something on them
that just looks like a sticker.
But it's actually GPS.
And so...
It...
It just makes...
A weird blip in the system to
set up conflict later on.
Former supervisor...
Like another elf comes up to
him, because this guy's a
supervisor.
I mean like, he doesn't
actually do anything.
Yeah.
Uh... Sir?
Uh... Yes?
We were just looking at the
analytics dashboard and we
found something...
Unusual.
Well, what do you mean?
Well, it's just a small anomaly,
but...
It looks like some of the
packages shift locations.
Yeah.
Well, like, couldn't that be
just kids like bringing them to
their friends' house to play?
Really, sir?
Like...
Five days after Christmas?
You really think that a bunch
of kids just went over somebody's
houses the night before New
Year's Eve?
I don't know.
I'll...
I'll have to think about it.
I mean, it is an anomaly, but
we're really not talking much
here.
You know, it's...
You know, we're talking about a
percent of a percent.
I mean, that's not really going
to impact the Joy Quotient this
year.
So...
We'll keep an eye on it.
You know, we'll keep an eye on
it.
And then...
Lil' Up goes away.
And then the manager sits there,
like, just pondering.
What the hell would call that
caused that?
That's just weird.
Yeah.
You know, what would cause this?
And then, like...
He's just sitting there for a
while.
You have the camera on him for
a long, long time as he sits
back in his manager chair.
And then he snaps forward and
they do the close-up.
Grinske!
Meanwhile, Grinske is trying to
figure out how to build out his
operation.
And, you know, he has a super
secret location.
He's got the energy shielding
to mask the location.
There's no way Santa's going to
find him.
There's no way North Pole Corp
is going to, like, come back
and come after him for
violating his non-disclosure
agreement and non-compete
agreement.
You know, because when you work
for North Pole Corp, you're not
even allowed to work for Amazon
up to a year after working
there.
Because they're a toy delivery
service.
Yeah.
That's a competing, you know, a
competing company.
You're not allowed.
And surely...
No, it has to be something
ridiculous like 10 years after.
Fine.
And surely...
So, by the way, this clearly is...
Uh, not only a take on...
On capitalism...
And wealth inequality, it's
also a take on...
Corporate environment.
Oh no, Hollywood's never gonna
buy this.
We need to make it more
corporate friendly.
Well, yeah, but the corporate
friendly part for them is they're
gonna make money.
Yeah.
You know?
Making fun of corporations is
something that people can get
behind.
This is true.
Wealth inequality is something
that people can get behind.
Well...
You know, the story of a small,
mild mannered elf...
Becoming the modern day Robin
Hood.
Stealing from the rich.
Giving to the poor.
And doing it in such a, you
know, a way that, you know, isn't
violent.
And brings joy to children.
I mean, think of the children,
sir.
This movie can make bank.
But anyway...
How do we introduce Hilda and
Nutcracker Guy?
So, he's working in his secret
workshop to really improve his
theft/delivery system.
Maybe he starts coming up with
teleportation stuff so he doesn't
actually have to go into things.
I mean, couldn't it be the next
Christmas that he meets the Nutcracker?
Or are we only doing two Christmases
in this movie?
You know what I think?
I think we have one of the two
side characters actually be
someone to throw a monkey
wrench in the works.
Okay?
So, Hilda is perfectly fine.
She's just the reindeer that
got rejected.
I mean, even Rudolph makes fun
of her.
You know, because of her name.
Evidently, he didn't learn his
own lesson.
Yeah.
You know?
He became one of the...
He became like the highest
person on the reindeer.
I know, I know.
It's just...
It's ridiculous.
But anyway, so...
I think Hilda is not our spy.
I think it makes sense that the
disgruntled...
The quote unquote "disgruntled"
Nutcracker...
Is the spy.
...would make sense.
And I think the way that we do
things is...
So, the disgruntled Nutcracker,
obviously being part of
security and obviously being
part of the upper levels...
He gives Grinsky the API keys
to be able to access the
naughty nice list and all of
the kids' locations and their
demographics.
You know, he gets the wealth
index, which is actually being
tracked.
Which he didn't know.
Like he discovers that when he
first gets to see the data,
that there's actually like a
wealth index.
Of course there is.
So, as he's planning his
teleportation stuff, what he
doesn't realize...
Is that the use of these API
keys...
These API keys are not the
master API keys.
No.
These are special API keys that
send his IP address...
Back to North Pole Core.
So, they then begin to reverse
hack into his system to like
really discover the plans.
And that's not good.
So, the year goes on.
He continues to make his plans.
There's nothing sketchy coming
up.
And the night of the 29th...
Of what?
Of January.
So, Christmas goes by.
Santa does his big ride.
And it's the 28th or 29th of
January.
And that's when the SWAT team
shows up.
So, the SWAT team shows up.
They break in.
They get through the magnetic
shielding.
They capture everyone.
And of course, this is when the
bad guy, like the traitor nutcracker,
reveals himself.
Meanwhile, Hilda and the fox
ran away.
Because they're just animals.
Nobody's going to pay attention
to them.
Yeah.
And so, it's not looking good.
Grinsky's been captured by the
feds.
And he's being brought up on
charges of like espionage and
theft and all this other stuff.
He's being captured by the feds.
These are the real feds.
These are the North Pole feds.
They're the elves with attitude.
Oh.
Of course.
And so, he's being held in like
deep cold storage at the North
Pole.
You know, like 50 miles below
the crust of the earth.
So, so.
He's being captured.
You know, like Santa and the,
the lead, and his former boss
are like, you know, we're so
disappointed in you.
You know, all I wanted to do
was make Christmas happy for
everyone.
That's just not how we do
things here.
It's all about the numbers.
It's all about the joy index.
Meanwhile, Fox and Hilda, Fundy
and Hilda,
trek their way back to the
North Pole and they,
now like, I guess we have to
have them talk because it's
going to be kind of pointless
to have them randomly wandering
around.
They, they start doing this
planning.
They start doing all this
planning.
They start doing all this stuff.
I mean, you can always just
translate it using subtitles.
Yeah, whatever.
But, but they know the layout.
And they know that there's like
a secret, like hot chocolate
exhaust, like pipe, like, like
a waste pipe.
And so they break in.
And obviously there's like a
bunch of like stuff, like where
they're sneaking around and
whatnot.
And, see, instead of destroying
Grinsky's, you know, like, all
of his technology, they, they,
they impounded it.
Which was stupid on their part,
but hey, that's typical.
It's hysteria type.
Yeah.
You know, you have the guards
coming after them with giant
candy canes to like bash them
over the head.
You got these things that are
like machine guns, but they
shoot peppermints.
You know, those stripy peppermints.
Yeah.
Not, not the soft mints though.
The soft mints are frigging
banging.
The Keebler Joy cookie cannon.
The Keebler cookie cannon.
But, uh, so basically you have,
you have Santa, you know, and,
and everybody, the insecurity
starting to find out things are
going wrong.
Wires are being cut.
Somehow a fox and a reindeer
somehow spraying black spray
paint over the, over the camera
lenses.
And worst of all, the caffeinated
hot cocoa machine is broken.
Yes.
The elves are starting to get
upset.
In fact, that's, that's, that's
how they initially disrupt
things.
Strangely enough, all these hot
cocoa machines are fed from a
central source.
So they mess up that central
source and everything comes to
a grinding halt.
It's like there's, there's a
few mixers around.
Like the, the, the, the, the,
you know.
You know, and maybe some of,
you know, we set up that there
were a couple of elves that
maybe wanted things to be more
equal.
And so they end up helping Grinsky
and letting him get by some
checkpoints.
Yeah.
They slip him the key card.
Yeah.
They slip him the key card.
They get over to the, the
teleportation sleigh.
That's like fully automated.
He has Hilda run in front of it.
She pulls his sleigh.
Cause you know what, despite
the fact that she wasn't good
enough for the regular, you
know, reindeer team.
She's somehow is strong enough
in of herself to pull this
entire thing, even though it's
somewhat automated too.
So it doesn't really need her,
but it's symbolic.
Yeah.
Maybe, you know, the initial
thrusters can't get it off the
ground or something like they
disabled them.
And she's able to get it off
the ground and then he can put
it into hover mode.
Yeah.
So he escapes.
Now hear me out though.
What if the nutcracker guy like
jumps and grabs it right before
they teleport?
Well, so nutcracker guy grabs
on.
Grinsky hits the teleport
button and they teleport like
to like 15,000 feet.
You know, they see that he's on
there, but you know, his hand
slips and he's got one hand
left and he's like, please save
me.
I know I wasn't the best person,
but please try to save him.
And they can't.
And he slips and he starts
falling.
And as they're falling, like
Santa and the manager are
watching on the monitors and
they're going, no.
And it's like, as he gets away.
So Grinsky successfully does
everything he plans to do.
They're celebrating.
He goes across the world and
does this redistribution of toy
wealth.
In the end, we have to drive
change.
Yeah.
We have to drive change.
And so the news reports start
pouring in about weird thefts
that have taken place.
But they can't pinpoint who
stuff got stolen and when like,
he somehow has technology as
well where it like resets and
changes the Mac addresses on
any devices, you know, so that
they can't be traced.
They're doing Mac address spoofing
and stuff.
Yeah.
You know, all of that.
But as a result of this, what
the news reports report is that
people are happier this New
Year's Eve than they've been in
many, many years.
So Santa and the manager are
looking this over.
They're seeing the joy index go
off the charts.
You know, you've got kids that
never could have afforded to
get some of the gifts that they
always wanted.
Like, even if it's something
like just a pair of really nice
sneakers like Air Jordans or
something.
Yeah.
You have this like less
fortunate kid, plays basketball
and has always wanted a pair of
Air Jordans, but his parents
only make $10,000 a year.
So the joy index goes off the
charts and you see Santa and
the manager sitting there like
dumbfounded.
And eventually they call in Grinsky
and his two cohorts, Fundy and
Hilda.
And he's like, you know, maybe
we lost our way somewhere.
Maybe North Pole Corp shouldn't
be about this business of, you
know, 5% year over year joy
increases.
Maybe we should be doing it for
the betterment of mankind.
Maybe it should be, we should
be about every child getting
something worthwhile on
Christmas to bring joy and
happiness to their lives.
And then the ending you don't
see is every corporation
cutting them off and they go
belly up.
Yeah, it's not the greatest
story, but I think with some
tweaks, I mean, I wasn't sure
which way to go to keep it
lighthearted or to have it be
like...
Dork?
No, not even dork, like really
dark.
Yeah, that's what I was saying.
Oh, I thought you said dork.
Yeah, that's just dark and
funny.
Like, not even funny, just like
really dark, like, you know,
like machine guns and like this
elf is like really disgruntled
and...
Yeah, and I don't know that
that would play as well.
But yeah, so Elvenhood, I'll
still, you know, maybe we'll
increase the idea cost to, what
do you think, 40?
Yeah.
It's not the greatest idea.
This is definitely, you know, a
made for TV type movie, I think.
Yeah.
Or like a Netflix original that
they want to make at the end of
the year to save money.
You know, something they could
use as a tax write-off.
Yeah.
But, you know, $40,000 plus 5%
of the gross before...
Oh, and I have to specify for
streaming services, we are on a
strict payment plan, a certain
amount per view.
You know, I don't know what
that's going to be.
But we have a certain amount
per view if it's just streaming
because otherwise you really,
you don't make anything.
Yeah.
Like Netflix eats the
production costs, but then you
don't really get a sense of how
you make money.
So, that's part of the
agreement too.
But anyway, that's Elvenhood.
And if you like the idea,
please shoot us an email,
feedback@nontopical.com.
We always love hearing from you.
In fact, we haven't really
heard from people, so...
Yeah.
We would love to hear, get
emails from you.
Also, we are on multiple
podcasting platforms.
We're actually on Fountain now.
Right.
Fountain actually pays you to
listen.
Granted, it's in Bitcoin Satoshis,
and it's not much.
But you can in turn donate that
back to any of your favorite
shows automatically.
It's kind of cool.
Anyway, so we're on Fountain,
we're on Apple, we're on Audible.
We're everywhere.
Everywhere.
We're in your world.
So, share it with your friends
and family.
We want to grow our audience a
little bit.
If you know anybody that might
like this, then share it with
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And last but not least, we
consider ourselves to be...
Value for value.
Which means that if you get
value out of the show...
Show some value in return.
Yep.
And that can be any amount.
It can be, you know, $3, $5, or...
Hypothetical $1,000.
So, we'd really appreciate your
support.
We were just talking recently
and we were thinking about
getting a better microphone
setup that records on the
actual wireless microphones
themselves.
Which will help with any random
Bluetooth disconnects.
But, that's $300 that we don't
have.
Yeah.
So, anyway, I have an important
question actually.
As we wrap up the holiday wrap
up and season, was there
anything that you perhaps
wanted to have in terms of food
for say Christmas and New Years
that you weren't able to have?
Perhaps a cheese quesadilla.
Cheese quesadilla.
Sorry, we had to work it in
somewhere.
Now you know the origin of
cheese quesadilla if you listen
back to one of our holiday pre-records.
So, alright everybody.
Thank you for listening.
We really appreciate it and we'll
catch you next time.
Bye.