Hey everybody, Editor Chris
here. Just letting you know
that Kit's microphone for some
reason or
another did not work properly
during this recording. I've
done all I can to boost his
audio,
but we wanted to keep this
conversation and release it as
a podcast because it was still
an amusing concept that we came
up with. With that, enjoy the
show as much as you can.
Yeah, this is one of the nicer
days we've had this summer. I
mean, it's still a bit warm,
but it's not like as humid as
it was the past few weeks. I
actually feel like I can get
outside.
Now, don't you love the outside?
Maybe. We were on vacation
recently and we went to this
awesome store
and I'm going to say it is an
awesome store. They got some
pretty cool stuff there. They
make their
own fudge. Oh yeah. This is, it
was a great place. They've got
all like the gifts that you
would expect
for like a vacation area. So
they got like the keychains.
They got the t-shirts. They got
the magnets. They got squishy.
They got squishy potato cats.
Potato cats. Uh, stress ball
things. They got, they got ukuleles.
They got shells. They got
people things made out of
shells.
Yeah, those were kind of creepy,
not going to lie.
I mean, they had everything.
I mean, they had everything
from unique things that you
could say,
hey, you know what, like, I
will definitely remember this
place,
to, like, stuff like the super
spicy bean-boozled jelly bellies,
which take you, like, two weeks
to eat because they're actually
really spicy.
Surprisingly.
Surprisingly spicy.
Yeah, we made the mistake of
eating some of those in the car
on the way up.
It was not good.
Anyway.
Way back.
Yeah, on the way back.
So, but one thing they had that
nobody expected,
not me, not Kit, not the
friends I was there with,
nobody.
Not people thinking about what
they had.
Well, I mean, but you wouldn't
expect this.
We weren't really thinking
actively about what they would
have,
except for the fact that we
knew they had fudge, which is
delicious.
Anyway.
But one thing they had.
So I'm just walking along.
We're just walking along.
We're looking around.
Yep.
Oh, don't, don't do this.
We don't want to get a
copyright strike.
But anyway.
Nah, they can't hear it.
They can't hear it.
So.
I mean, you could go.
So.
Thank.
I walk by this shelf.
And it didn't hit me right away.
So we're walking to where the
shelves are.
Because this is near the beach.
And so they have a bunch of
shelves that are cataloged, the
specific types of shelves.
And some that are fake.
And so I passed the shelf.
And then, like, I sat there and
I thought about it.
I was like, huh.
So, like.
At first I thought that they
sold, like, a shark stuffed
animal.
That was kind of shoved into,
like, a little jar.
Maybe a plastic jar.
Whatever.
So that's all I thought at
first, the first time that I
saw this.
Like, and then I was like, wait
a minute.
That's a little odd.
Why would you have a stuffed
animal shark in a jar shape?
Like, I can understand being in
a little box.
I could understand it.
You know, being in some kind of
display case.
And so I went back to check it
out.
They were not stuffed animals.
I mean, yeah, they were.
No.
Technically.
No, they weren't stuffed.
They, they, so.
Well, they don't eat a lot.
They're in formaldehyde.
What we actually found.
Were literal dead baby sharks
in embalming fluid.
With lovely, lighted out eyes.
I mean, that's their eyes.
Yeah.
I, I was just.
I was like, no way.
Yeah, that's right.
No way.
There's no way this is, like.
So I actually picked up the jar.
I was like, this can't be real.
And then, like, I'm turning the
jar around.
And it's just, it's just
sitting there on the shelf.
$17.
$16.99 or $98.
Whatever it was.
That's cool.
Yeah, there were like six of
them.
And on the bottom of the jar,
in blue letters, it just says
shark.
That's.
That's it.
It just says shark.
Like, this is an everyday thing.
Hey, um, yeah.
So I noticed you sell fudge
here.
And you have t-shirts.
Do you happen to have sharks?
I've always wanted a shark in a
jar.
To put on my desk.
So that I can scare the crap
out of people who walk by.
Make for a great Halloween
decoration.
Yeah.
I mean, that's just not
something you expect to see.
Now just imagine if they sold
adult sharks in jars.
I think that would be
problematic.
I mean.
But it begs the question, like.
What are the things in jars?
In terms of, like, animal
specimens?
Might people want to have?
And whose idea was it?
I'm not saying it's a bad idea.
Because we're obviously talking
about it.
And that was part of the reason
why my friends ended up going
to the store.
Besides the fact that they
wanted souvenirs.
And fudge.
Yeah.
Was that I told them.
This place.
Sells preserved baby sharks in
a jar.
And they're like, no.
And I'm like, here's the
picture.
So the marketing ploy worked.
But, like.
I mean, what.
What drives somebody to decide
that's something that they want
to sell?
Think about it this way.
We're efficient.
We could keep that in our home.
So we caught it.
This is true.
It would be a complete lie.
But, you know.
There I was.
Night fishing on the banks of
the Atlantic Ocean.
It was me and my buddy.
I was trying for striped bass.
And all of a sudden.
I felt a tug on my line.
Like nothing.
Nothing I've ever felt before.
This thing was hauling.
I thought maybe.
Maybe this is like a 15, 20
pound fish.
Maybe it's a 45.
Maybe it's a 100 pound fish.
I don't know.
But this thing is booking it.
And I sat there and fought that
fish.
For hours.
And just as the sun started
coming up over the horizon.
It finally got tired.
And I discovered it wasn't no
normal fish.
It was a shark.
A baby shark.
So I went to get my hook out of
its mouth.
And let me tell you.
That baby shark bit my finger
off.
Like the grandfather like lost
his finger in some like stupid
accident.
Like he was just trying to cut
something.
In his wood shop.
And had actually cut his finger
off.
And uses the baby shark as like
a scapegoat.
Then Grandma Wanderson.
Oh you hush up.
You big old liar.
You bought that shark at a
store on the coast.
Dang it woman.
I told you never to ruin my
stories.
But I don't know.
It's like.
Somebody thought that was a
good idea.
I mean clearly we're talking
about it.
It works.
But somebody thought it was a
good idea.
So like.
What other thing.
If you saw it in a glass jar.
For sale at a curio shop of
some kind.
Would.
Potentially draw your attention.
As much as.
A baby shark.
Picture of Jeff Gordon.
In a jar.
From out of hot.
What?
Yeah.
What in a jar?
A picture of Jeff Gordon.
In a jar from out of hot.
You wouldn't expect to see that.
It's true.
I mean like.
What other crazy things though.
So like.
I'd get an axolotl in a jar.
Yeah.
Poor axolotl.
They're cute.
Yeah.
But if it's dead.
Yeah.
But if it died of natural
causes.
No.
You should.
You should have an axolotl in a
bucket.
Why in a bucket.
Mine.
Crap.
Oh.
Yeah.
Boo.
You know what like.
Like.
What else though.
Like.
If you saw it in a jar.
You would be like.
That's worth talking about.
I mean.
A human hand or human fingers
are always good.
I mean.
That's creepy.
Especially like.
If you're George.
That'd be a large jar.
But it could work.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Or it could be a baby alligator.
That'd still be a pretty large
jar.
Like.
That'd be like.
Probably a half gallon jar.
At least.
You know.
All we gotta do.
I figured it out.
Well.
That's been done.
Not a real alien.
Probably.
To our knowledge.
Here's what we gotta do.
I figured out.
The ultimate.
Money making scheme.
You ready for this?
Okay.
You figure out where George
Lucas lives.
And.
And you buy like.
A random shack.
That's been abandoned.
Up the road.
Now.
He obviously lives in
California.
So.
You'd have to have at least
like.
Two million dollars.
To pull this off.
Because a random shack.
In Marin County.
California.
Is going to be really expensive.
But.
You buy this random shack.
You fix it up.
You turn it into a curio shop.
And do you know what you have.
You have.
Nothing but paws.
And hands.
In jars.
Like.
You know.
You have a monkey paw.
You have.
You have like.
You know.
Of course.
All these animals.
Would have died from natural
causes.
But.
Like you have alligator.
Like stumps.
You got.
You got monkey stumps.
You got.
You got cat stumps.
Dog stumps.
Human stumps.
Like.
You know.
Human hands.
Everything.
And you rotate the stuff that
you have.
You know.
On a regular basis.
So.
So like.
Over time.
You get more and more exotic
animals.
Like cheetahs.
And lions.
You know.
Again.
Lions that died at the zoo.
Naturally.
Okay.
We can't get poached lions.
That's just terrible.
Poaching.
Large gang.
Is just terrible.
But.
And then.
You know.
Every so often.
He stumbles into your store.
Your store.
And you go.
Oh.
Hey.
George.
It's good to see you.
Is there anything I can help
you with today?
Like.
Of course.
You have some Star Wars
merchandise.
Because you're near Skywalker
Ranch.
You know.
You have some.
You have some other Hollywood
memorabilia.
Because you're in the area.
But.
It's that one shelf of random.
Embalmed stuff.
That keeps George Lucas coming
in.
Hey.
George.
How's it going?
What have you been up to?
Oh.
I've just been spending time
with my grandkids.
You know.
Working on little.
Independent films.
That no one will ever see.
Are you still sore about that
Disney deal?
Oh.
It is what it is.
I got four billion dollars.
I think I'm good.
Okay.
What do you got for me today?
Well.
We just got a shipment of some
new specimens.
We'd like you to take a look at.
Oh.
Really?
Yeah.
So we got.
We got a pig hoof here.
We've got an axolotl flipper or
whatever they have.
Webbed foot.
We got.
Now this one's a little bit
interesting, George.
This one's got a story behind
it.
Because you know.
These are hard to get a hold of
without getting injured.
See that right there?
That is the webbed back foot of
a duck-billed platypus.
Now luckily this one got hit by
a car.
But you got to appreciate the
fact that that thing still has
the poison barb on the back of
it.
Oh really?
That's.
That's amazing.
I think that would be a
wonderful thing to add to my
collection.
How.
How much is it?
Well George.
Normally we would charge a
little bit more.
But for you.
It's 20 bucks.
And if you'd like.
We could take it out of the embalming
fluid.
And take a lighter and singe
the end of it.
To make it look like it
happened.
By lightsaber.
Oh that would be lovely.
You see.
This is a genius idea.
I mean until George Lucas dies.
But by then like you've endeared
yourself enough to him that
like.
Don't worry.
But once the actual George
Lucas fans take over the Star
Wars section of Disney.
There will be a man in the shop.
Yeah I mean that could be.
Or you know it could be that.
You know in his will.
You know because you got to
figure.
He's got at least another like
15-20 years in him right.
Like he's in his.
Isn't he in his like late 70s
early 80s.
So he's got at least 10 years
in him.
So maybe before he dies.
He comes by the shop and he
says.
Hey.
Look.
I'm starting to get old.
I'm starting to get really sick.
They don't think I'm going to
be around much longer.
But you know thanks to you.
I have amassed a very large
collection of preserved hands.
In addition to the ones that I've
obtained through other means.
At which point you kind of look
a little bit skeeved out.
But still.
And hey.
I'm going to leave.
A few million dollars in my
will.
For you guys.
Because you helped me with this
collection.
And I want you to start.
The George Lucas Severed Limb
Museum.
An endowment fund.
It'll be there to display my
collection of severed limbs.
And to educate people.
About why severed limbs are so
important to the world.
You can have like exhibits
about historical figures.
Who had parts of their body cut
off in battle.
And yet went on to live amazing
lives.
And we go.
You know George.
That's.
That.
That's extremely nice.
We.
We would be honored.
To.
To head up this.
This facility for you.
But I.
We.
We have one request.
Anything.
Do you think we could get a maquette.
Of Jar Jar Binks head.
And.
Put it into.
Some formaldehyde.
You know.
Just for.
Just for our own.
You know the fans want this
George.
They've been wanting this for
years.
I'll see what I can do.
Two days later.
The studio is unmarked package.
Unmarked package.
Like.
No return address.
Just shows up.
And it's a perfect square.
It's about.
Two foot by two foot by two
foot.
You cut it open.
And you're able to buy the flappy
ears.
Or whatever they are.
Lift up the Jar Jar head.
Aw George.
You came through for us.
We love you.
And there you go.
That's.
That's how you make money.
That's how we can.
We can make money.
By selling severed limbs.
And Harry Potter fans too.
You know they're obsessed with
hands.
Because like Harry had a thing.
Like with a couple different.
In the books at least.
Or a couple different
situations.
With hands.
And us.
And rings.
Yeah.
You see.
Like.
You know.
If they weren't already married.
Or whatever.
Maybe George Lucas.
And JK Rowling.
Would be perfect for each other.
I mean.
They're both like.
Insanely rich.
They both.
At one time or another.
Had control over like.
Huge franchises.
Worth millions.
If not billions.
Of dollars.
They both have artistic vision.
That may or may not.
Have been compromised.
Over time.
They both have made.
Unpopular.
Statements or decisions.
At some time.
Or another.
You see.
It.
All you got to do.
Is like.
Have creepier creatures.
Like.
That have hands.
I don't know what creatures.
Would be creepy.
But you know.
To fit the Harry Potter vibe.
Like.
You'd have to like.
Go to like.
You know.
Colleges.
That receive dead bodies.
For research purposes.
And like.
You have like.
This severed.
Like.
Gnarled.
Arthritic hand.
With like.
Nails.
That are like.
Two inches long.
That would get some money.
Oh.
Like a vulture.
Or Ravenclaw.
Ravenclaw.
Oh.
That was unintentional.
On my part.
But it works.
You know.
This could be the ultimate.
For Harry Potter.
And.
You know.
Star Wars fans.
I think this is a great idea.
Do you have anything to add sir?
Besides cheese quesadilla.
Are we going to have anything
up with any of these?
No.
Are we going to have any of
these?
But...
Yeah, Count Dooku gets his head
shot down.
Yeah, but...
He cuts off his own head in the
frame sequence.
I've thought of it. This is
brilliant.
We get replicas only of C-3PO's
arms.
And we... Let me finish. We
mount them on the wall with a
plaque that reads,
"He was so happy that he
finally won."
You know, we could do a replica
of, like, the creepy...
We could do a couple of replicas.
Like, we could do one of, like,
the creepy, like, Skeletor hand
of Anakin
before they had good technology.
We could have a replica of,
like, Lieutenant Commander Data's
hand,
which always can, like, be
twisted off and removed from
Star Trek.
We could have a replica of Luke's
hand from, like, after he takes
the blaster bolt to the back of
it.
And you could see all the
mechanics inside.
So, yeah, we could have some
fun with it.
Count Dooku's hands, because
both get sliced off.
And what we'll do is, they won't
be severed, per se, but we do a
mock-up.
That's like a little bit of an
exhibit of Emperor Palpatine's
hands, like, in the lightning
zap position.
"You shall pay for your lack of
vision."
And then you just, like, have
it making, like, sparking sound
effects and stuff when people
walk by.
And then, like, it's brilliant.
It's brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant.
And then all this becomes a
museum when George Lucas dies,
because he's gonna, you know,
want that in his will.
And we put him an exhibit in
California, where, like, it's
expensive to live, but people
pay a lot of money.
And the coup de grace, the
icing on top, is that George
Lucas, in his final endowment
to the Severed Limbs Museum and
Collection,
will donate his own severed
hands when he dies.
It doesn't get much better than
that.
Well, I mean, like, he says the
severed hands, the severed body,
but...
No, no, no, we have to be, we
have to be honorable.
If he's, if he's paying for
this, we gotta be honorable.
Yeah.
The hands that wrought Star
Wars.
I think this is a workable plan.
Uh...
I'm just saying it's a workable
plan for someone.
Unless, of course, somebody who's
listening right now is getting
a good amount of value for the
show and wants to donate us the
$2 million we need to get
started.
If you want to do that, it's ko-fi.com/non-topical.
And we'll accept whatever value
you get from the show.
If you get value in, like, the
form of a dollar, $5, $10, we'd
be very grateful for that.
If you want to give us a
hypothetical $1,000 or a
hypothetical $2 million that we
need to get this store opened,
then please do so.
If you think this idea is also
crazy enough to work, please
let us know by emailing
feedback@nontopical.com so that
we can hear your opinion about
the severed limb curio shop
that later becomes the George
Lucas Memorial Severed Limb
Museum.
So, yeah, definitely let us
know. We'd be happy to hear
what your opinions are.
Alright, everybody, thanks for
listening. We'll catch you next
time. Bye!
Bye!